depopulated:

this week’s streams

Posted in music, video by eddie on April 24, 2009

Mastodon – “Divinations”

Bat For Lashes – “Daniel”

Art Brut – “Alcoholics Unanimous”

ringwald amadeus phoenix

Posted in music, video by eddie on April 14, 2009

Sorry to get all gushy over this new Phoenix record, but when the weather’s particularly shitty and you’re facing the anguish of uncertain future, there is simply nothing better than 80s Brat Pack dance scenes set to bouncy, sun-soaked pop songs. This will make your day better:

Thanks to Katherine for showing us this four minutes of joy.

your semi-weekly juggalo update

Posted in juggalo beat, wtf by eddie on April 7, 2009

utah_90

We noted in an in-house Phoenix advertisement that 15% of the 3-4,000 Juggalos in Utah (!) have been affiliated with crime, a statistic since deleted from the “Crimes attributed to juggalos” section of the juggalo Wikipedia page. Could this mean someone in government is a high-ranking juggalo? My money’s on North Carolina Gov. Bev Perdue. She’s already got the creepy clown thing going on.

Sadly, another one of our Dark Carnival bros has walked the tightrope between good, clean fun and, well… grotesque medieval battle-axe murder. And it’s in Salt Lake City again!:

A 22-year-old Juggalo gang member was sent to prison for three years to life Friday for attacking a Kearns teenager with a medieval battle ax last summer.

Scott Tyler Stapley was convicted by a 3rd District Court jury in January of first-degree felony attempted murder for his part in attacking 17-year-old Justin Ennis.

Stapley wielded a four-bladed warrior axe with a spiky ball attached.

Co-defendant Cody Jesse Augustine, 21, who is awaiting trial, allegedly stabbed the victim several times with a knife.

“This ain’t World o’ Warcraft–this is real as it gets / I gotta four-bladed warrior axe with a spiky ball attached mothafucka, dont u eh-errrr 4get!”

You gotta hand it to the mercy of Mormon courts–they give a hopeful juggalo executioner some sentencing leeway, promising anywhere from “three years to life.” I’m not entirely sure Joseph Smith believed the Middle Ages ever happened, so that could explain the confusion.

And it gets more wonderful:

Stapley defense attorneys claimed at trial that Ennis was targeted outside his home in the early morning hours of July 29 because he supposedly had passed a sexually transmitted disease to a girl whom Augustine later slept with.

A tip for you randy clown sexers out there: Question your painted lady BEFORE you remove her chain wallet and JNCOs. Burning sensations / battle axe to face may occur.

do you know this man?

Posted in ad-aware by eddie on April 6, 2009

I really still don’t know the marketing strategy behind these “HAY BTW THIS DUMBSHIT’S IQ IS 122! ARE YOU SMARTER THAN THIS DUMBASS?” quiz advertisements.  Are we really all that vain to need to assure ourselves we’re smarter than Simon Cowell? I just picture some nard in Toledo taking 25 minutes from his Excel spreadsheet charting bristles in a hairbrush to answer SAT questions, only to throw his arms up in victory upon completion with the documented proof that yes, an outdated, scientifically inaccurate test of intelligence he found on the Internet proves he is smarter than a celebrity, 94% of whom are COMPLETELY STUPID in the first place.

The banner I found today though put a dark spin on the trend:

What a delightfully average day!

What a delightfully average day!

“WANTED: Positively mediocre looking man in every single way. Must possess strongly middling qualities and a keen desire not to succeed. Baldness preferred, but not required.  Must be willing to have goofy, punchable smile. Will become poster child for the mundane, lightless vortex of American aspiration to become nothing in particular.”

Was this man notified that for thousands of Internet citizens he would become the benchmark for pedestrian?

And who in the hell would want to take this test? At least the nard in Toledo gets five seconds of morbid pleasure before crying into his Dilbert mug. This is a test to prove you’re not below average, meaning your final reaction, at most, is a sigh of relief.

Internet, you win again.

this week’s streams

Posted in music, video by eddie on April 1, 2009

Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Skeletons”
It’s Blitz! (Interscope)

MP3–> Kylesa – “Said and Done”
Static Tensions (Prosthetic)

Peter Bjorn and John – “Nothing to Worry About”
Living Thing (Almost Gold)